The toaster, like the coffee maker, and the cereal boxes are somewhat of novelty items I keep in the kitchen. I keep the toaster and the coffee maker unplugged to save energy, and to avoid the possibility that the urban tale of a house fire caused by an unattended coffee maker is actually reality. I'm pretty sure the lack of use of these items on my counter stem from my lifelong hate-hate relationship with mornings.
Yes, I said hate, and I really mean it. I have never found myself waking up before noon and being happy to be awake, let alone alive. My first words uttered at least 3 days of the week are, "Mornings suck." I'm certain I hear myself say, "Shut up!" to the alarm clock at least twice this week. I really make an effort when traveling to avoid east-facing windows at all costs. I don't desire to see the sun rise, and I have some very creative and tortured thoughts about what should happen to the songbirds outside my windows when I wake.
And to make matters worse, I didn't bother to take into account what hours I would be required to function when choosing a career that requires me to be at work early in the morning, and to be functional as well. If I were smarter, I would have focused on a career that allowed me to sleep until noon, or at least fake it until then. While it rarely happens, I do harbor a wee bit of jealousy at my brother as he was smart enough to go with a company the offers the swing shift.
I also think, on a deep psychological level, my hate of mornings relates to that idea that we reject what we need the most. You see, I have seasonal affective disorder, that thing you've heard of when people don't get enough sunlight. Like the people in Alaska, Portland, and Seattle. Yep, it's true, and therefore ruling out any possibility that I am a zombie, or a vampire. The whole adoption possibility is still wide open.
I only bring this up since fall is arriving, and it has been on my mind lately. No, not being an adopted zombie. While taking medication helps, medication does not create any actual sunlight, therefore still requiring me to be hyper-aware of how much time I spend outside as the light changes. And while most people don't really care, the federal government decision to adjust the times of Daylight Saving Time has really made life more difficult. Just as I get used to the light changes, the time changes, leaving my best months of the year to be May, June, July, and August.
And I'm sure you are wondering, how exactly did we get to this discussion from a toaster? Well, because the last time I used the toaster, to make BLT sandwiches for dinner, the toaster smelled like something was burning deep inside. I buy bread with assorted grains and seeds inside and on top of each slice, and I always wonder where the little seeds go when they fall off. But I digress. Due to an unfortunate miscalculation, which I will save for another post, I have 20 eggs still in the refrigerator, and I happened to be hungry at 10 A.M. I determined that toast and eggs were a logical solution to this problem, but I was wary of making toast.
Then I discovered something amazing. There's a little flap on the bottom of the toaster that can be opened, and you can get all the little crumbs and missing seeds back, if you still want them. If not, you can put them in the trash. And while I am sure I may have known about this secret compartment before, I found it incredible that at 36 I finally learned how to clean out a toaster. And then I thought about the coffee maker and the cereal boxes, and well, I needed something to do while my bread was toasting. And good morning to you too.
